Regain Harmony, Focus On Yourself

Give me a break! Who wants to hear that when you feel like the world is crashing down around you? Not me!

Well, guess what? It’s still true, and you still have to do it. You’ve probably done it hundreds of time whether you know it or not. And if you’re like me, you probably didn’t recognize the shift in perspective until after it was done.

Some interesting events took place in my life last week. In retrospect, I was able to see the events that transpired, and see how my change in perspective yielded positive results. It all started when I focused all my attention on one thing, and lost the harmony I try to maintain in my life.

Losing Sight of Harmony

I tend to get focused when I’m working on a project or a goal. This focus usually serves me well, and leads me to results I can take pride in. But occasionally, I run into some obstacles along the way, and begin focusing even harder. In some cases, I put so much energy into moving some mountain, it’s literally like banging my head against a wall trying to make something happen. You can’t make something happen, or make someone do what you want them to do. You can try, but it typically results in frustration and stress.

For me, I was literally trying to make something happen in my business that just wasn’t happening fast enough. I wanted it now, and I wasn’t content to wait any longer. I began focusing so hard on it, I was losing sight of other aspects of my life and business. When I do this, two things begin to happen:

1. I get stressed.

As soon as I begin trying to make something happen, I can physically feel the stress. I can feel tension throughout my body, I get knots in my shoulders from sitting at the computer all day, and my temper gets short when anything else occurs to annoy me. If I allow it to continue, I’ll start losing sleep, and then feel like I’m getting sick.

2. The perceived consequences get worse and worse.

This is when it begins spiraling downward, causing a feedback loop that can feed itself. As I notice stress, I immediately begin to fear the consequences of failure. My mind races with thoughts of all the ways I won’t succeed at what I’m trying to do. My ego kicks into overdrive, filling my mind with negative self talk that reminds me of all the ways this isn’t going to work, and all the terrible things that are going to happen when I fail. This only fuels the stress, and the added stress fuels the ego.

Left unchecked, this can literally go on forever, leading to chronic illness or pain, or some serious disease (think “dis ease”). It could lead to a succession of events that always leads to the same results: one bad relationship after another, one unfulfilling job after another, one town full of nasty people after another, one annoying customer after another.

Getting Harmony Back in One Easy Step

While the spiraling cycle can be devastating if allowed to continue, there really is no need. There’s one simple thing you can do to halt it immediately, and see better results almost overnight. It’s simple, but it isn’t always easy.

Focus on yourself.

There. That’s it. You’re welcome. Focus on yourself.

When I find myself stressing out, it is always over something external to my “self.” I stress about work. I stress about my weight. I stress about my income. I stress about my relationship. I stress about my kids. I stress about my boss. I stress about my parents. I stress about this. I stress about that. They’re all external to my inner self.

If you find yourself stressing about some situation in your life, and find that you’re banging your head against the wall trying to make some mountain move, you need to change your focus from this external thing or idea, and focus it on yourself.

If some person or situation at work is causing distress, simply change the focus away from them, and put it on you. There’s nothing you can do to change another person’s behavior, but you can sit and think of ways you can be appreciated for what you do. When I find myself in a difficult situation with my business, as I was last week, I simply relax and focus all my energy on me. I remind myself of all the ways in which I am amazing in my business: I’m a great designer, a leading edge entrepreneur, a successful businessman, and on and on. This situation that has stolen my attention does not define me. I define me.

If I’m having trouble in a relationship with some person, I may drive myself nuts trying to make this other person see my point of view, or behave in some way that would make me happier. But if I take my energy away from them, and focus it on me, I no longer care what they do or think.

You can focus on yourself any number of ways. I like to meditate and initiate positive self talk. It starts a positive spiral which really helps me. You may prefer something more active. You can treat yourself to a day at the spa, get some new clothes or new music, take a day off to relax or go to the movies, or simply do anything that removes you from the stressful situation.

Whatever situation is causing some stress in your life, the answer to relieving it is never by focusing more and more attention on it. It only gets bigger, stronger, scarier and more stressful. Instead, look within yourself for calm. By focusing your attention on how wonderful you are, and doing something that makes you feel good about yourself, you will successfully change your perspective. And suddenly, that annoying situation that was threatening to ruin your life won’t seem so overwhelming anymore.

What do you do to focus on yourself, and change your perspective? Please share your thoughts in the comments.