Courage to Be “Selfish”

Now, our school systems are great resources for educating our population. Reading, writing, and basic math skills are something everybody needs to learn, and school is definitely a great societal tool for teaching that. But school replaces individuality with conformity. And worst of all, it replaces our inner guidance system, our inherent connection to Source energy, with a desire to find self worth by pleasing others.

When we are born, even before we can speak, we can think. And while very young, we know we have a very strong connection to our Source energy, or our soul. Our source gives us guidance through our emotions, pointing the way for us to go through life.

But school and life have a way of knocking that out of us. We forget to look to our own feelings and emotions to light the path for us to travel in life. Instead, we surrender that power to others around us: our teachers, parents, friends, classmates, colleagues, boss, children. We tend to repress our core genius in order to please others through less spectacular tasks. By conforming to the status quo, those around us remain comfortable with us.

Who among us was praised for good grades and admonished for poor ones? Who was rewarded for pleasant, conforming behavior and reprimanded for being disruptive, or stirring things up?

We have it drilled into our heads that going to the beat of your own drum is selfish. We are taught that we need to be good citizens, putting the needs of others before our own. Selfishness is frowned upon in order to keep order.

I think it’s time we redefined selfishness

Selfishness is not living your life the way you wish to live it. Selfishness is forcing others to live their lives the way you wish they would. Do you get the difference? It’s not about putting yourself first, it’s about imposing your will on others. THAT is selfishness.

So I am advocating being a little more “selfish” in the sense that we live our lives to please ourselves. This means doing the work to discover what our core genius is; to discover who we really are. And then making the changes in our lives to begin living up to our full potential.

You might get some discouragement from others

“What are you doing?”
“Who do you think you are?”
“You have responsibilities!”
“You’re too old for this nonsense.”
“This isn’t the you I know, I like the old you better.”

If you are serious about being your own rock star, finding your core genius, and living up to your full potential, chances are you’ll hear phrases like those once in a while. These well meaning folks will most likely be those who think they are closest to you and know you best. They will think they are looking out for you best interests, but really they are being selfish. They are trying to impose their views of the world onto you. They liked you better when you fit into their comfort zone. But now you’re excelling in life, and your successes amplify their own inaction and disconnection to their source. In other words, the higher you fly, the lower they feel.

Have the courage to do it anyway. Realize that their words and discouragement are nothing more than their own defense system lashing out at you. Keep going, and eventually something interesting will happen.

Those who just cannot support you will become less important in your life, and your interactions with them will lessen.

But those who truly love you will come around, especially after they start to see the positive changes in you. Before long, they’ll begin to see the core genius in you too, because it is true, and cannot be missed. When you see somebody living up to the potential of their core genius, it is unmistakable. Everyone around them can recognize it, even if they can’t articulate what it is. And everyone is attracted to it as well.

And every person alive has the potential to find their core genius, and live every single day bringing it to life. Have the courage to do that, and those around you will soon be cheering you on, or asking you how they can do it too.

But I have responsibilities!

There are plenty of excuses you can find to not do anything I suggest here. One of my favorites is the sense of responsibility to others. You may have a demanding job, or a family that depends on your income. Or maybe you are so busy directing the lives of your children, there is no time left for your own life.

It’s easy to say you can’t focus on yourself because of these external responsibilities, but it’s a cop out. First of all, by ignoring your own passions and purpose in life, you are cutting yourself off from your own soul. This results in stress; stress you can feel. You don’t sleep well, you get out of shape, you feel tired all the time. And if it goes on long enough, you get sick. Serious sick.

Are you using your responsibility to your kids or your job as an excuse for being less than spectacular in life? Then ask yourself how sacrificing your health, wealth or happiness is responsible? Who will do your work, or take care of your kids if you get serious sick? How effective are you at these responsibilities when you’re running at half power?

What if, instead, you lived life in nothing short of stellar form? What if you put yourself first, and did the work that brought true joy and passion into your life? How effective do you think you would be at your job or at parenting then? How much more value could you bring to your work or family if you yourself were fulfilled?

Still not convinced? Then ask yourself if you want your own kids to live a life of sacrifice, living up to only a fraction of their full potential. No? Then why is that the example you’re setting?

There are a million and one external reasons to live an unfulfilled life and reduce yourself to make those around you happy. But in reality, you would be far more effective at what you are doing in your life if you first fulfilled your own desires. Live the life you came here to live. Do the thing your soul is screaming for you to do. Those around you will grow to like you more for it, and take inspiration from your courage to be “selfish.”